Domo ArigaDIE!!! (Rooster Republic Press, 2015) is LIVE and ULTRA-HOT! To further the celebration, I’d like to present, straight from the casting couch of my mind, an imaginary author-selected, hand-picked Hollywood dream team if/when this book becomes a film. Thanks to Vincenzo Bilof, whose own DARK RISING dream cast blog post came to my attention and helped expand my imagination of his masterful deep sea thriller, through his “dream cast” musings. So, let’s dive in, shall we?
(Cue Drum Roll)
ALODIA OBELISK (Jennifer Day)
Since I first saw her perform on Hot Package to her work in the film TRUNK, Jennifer Day’s energy has stayed in my mind like a whirlwind of gleeful fireworks bursting over the Los Angeles sky. She’d be a perfect Alodia bringing a blend of charm, wit, grace, strength beyond strength, and supremely delightful madness to the role.
ERIKA OBELISK (Cortney Palm)
Zombeavers was a lot of fun. Cortney Palm’s character, in particular, stuck out to me and nailed me right in the brain–with a vengeance that broke my head into chocolate syrup. She played an ultra-bold, tough as a railroad spike character with an attitude. I’d love to see her play Alodia’s sister, Erika. She’s got the gaze, the chops, the magic.
DR. VIM ROGERS (Brendon Walsh)
Brendon Walsh, one half of the hilarious podcast THE BONE ZONE, has a fierce sense of humor, devious chops and is always seemingly on the edge of going nuts. Decked in a suit and chain-smoking Chesterfields, I think Walsh would give Rogers’ part that dash of debonair black comedy that would most certainly earn him an Academy Award.
FINGERS (Randy Lietdke)
Randy Liedtke, the other half of THE BONE ZONE podcast, given his relationship to Walsh and how great they play off of each other in a comedic context, would be perfect for Rogers’ right-hand-man, the beefy Fingers. Not to mention, I’d love to see Liedtke in a sci-fi/action role like this and just know in my cinematic heart of hearts that he could pull off (and propel) Fingers’ gruff sadism with ease.
Who better than to play Takayama-sensei, the humble, yet dangerous Shinto pig farmer and ninja master, than Downtown’s own Hitoshi Matsumoto. This man is hilarious and fearless. I can imagine the awe of the crowd as this Japanese comedic mastermind floats onto screen in the crazy bathhouse battle, a hologram of perfection and wisdom, mesmerizing, just mesmerizing.
JIMMY (Johnny Pemberton)
Though a minor character, Jimmy plays an integral part as the hapless victim of Rogers’ and Fingers’ rage at the cabin in the woods. For that role, I’d need an A-lister. I’d need someone sleek, hip, and willing to go the distance. I’d need Johnny Pemberton. Having Pemberton as Jimmy would transform Jimmy from “minor character” to “celluloid legend.” Trust me.
FUKUYA (Eric Andre)
This is a bold move, but art has to be bold and who bolder than to play Rogers’ Japanese assistant, Fukuya, than the king of the cathouse who brings the hellshit, Mr. Eric Andre. I imagine he’d put a bit of a slapstick spin on the character, but all the better. He might even steal the show.
BRUTBOT (Robert Z’Dar)
Finally, rounding out our superb cast is the master of dramatic acting, Robert Z’Dar. The BRUTBOT knows no bounds. He’s programmed to kill. He’s built to slay. He’s your worst nightmare. He’s 100% muscled muscles of muscle. He’s the robotic beast of the apocalypse. And he’ll always be cooler than you. Always.
Alejandro Jodorowsky (Director) / John Hyams (Director)
Never before has Hollywood experienced the spiritual power to obliterate your soul if Alejandro Jodorowsky and John Hyams teamed up to direct Domo ArigaDIE!!! It would be a psychedelic hurricane the likes of which would probably resurrect those great beasts whose claws are already scratching through the bloodied Hollywood dirt, eager to baffle your senses with the greatest film ever made.
Illona Six (Producer)
She’s brought you three of the coolest black comedy (yet psychologically damaging) films known to humankind. Yes, I’m talking about Illona Six, head honcho of Six Entertainment Company. Do you want Dutch ambiance par excellence? Do you want gritty black-and-white UK horrorcore that knows no bounds? Or, do you want a 500 USA centipede in the desert? Illona Six shall deliver magnitude. She will make movie history.
Quentin Tarantino (Screenwriter) / Martin McDonagh (Screenwriter)
After having passed my book on to these two screenwriting geniuses, securing their isolated mud-hut getaway tucked in a secret location in the Sangre de Cristo mountains, Quentin Tarantino and Martin McDonagh would deliver unto the world THE screenplay of the century. There would be no doubt that a national holiday would be created to honor the pure holiness of the written word as we would all be required to bask in the glory of the ultimate DOMO ARIGADIE!!! cinematic experience. It would truly be a band apart.